Enough time has passed to let go of the pain that once
lingered from a broken heart. I decided to start with online dating since the
solitude of the last six months has removed many of the relationships I once
had with females. I post this with optimism that it might help someone else who
struggles with consequences resulting from the selfish and cruel decisions of
others.
"Any particular reason you've not been chilling out and
partying?"
Hmm... your question is tough for me to answer, but I guess
that is why I am on this site isn't it. I have never really been a monogamous
person. Honesty is very important to me though, so romantic relationships in my
past were mostly open. Last year I committed to someone who I thought was
committed to me and it turned out to be untrue. All of my love, all of my
passion was devoted to that relationship- to her. When it ended I almost did with
it.
Being a man who has profound emotions and deep connections
with our universe I tend to take emotional pain very harshly. I think as people
we have a "thirst" (desire) for life that is powerful and insatiable
from the moment we are born. When we split this fire burning brightly in my
core dwindled to a flicker barely noticeable in the darkness of night. I did
not think of suicide like some would expect; instead apathy and bitterness
overwhelmed me.
People became a nuisance to me and the intense love for our
species I once had almost disappeared. I withdrew to the mountains to find my
solace, as I always do. After several months of intentional isolation I
realized something was missing. One afternoon I sat on a peak that overlooked
the Salt Lake valley and I knew instantly why I still felt so empty inside- I
missed people.
Thank you for asking. I am going to walk my dog to unwind
this pink meat inside my head.
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