Broken Glass

Broken Glass

Shattered pieces fall to the ground. Shards of unforgettable experiences cut my skin and leave their scars as I pick them up. Day by day, piece by peace the aftermath is cleaned and discarded.

Past pursuits of physical and sexual gratification caused this present state of emotional and psychological reflection

Memories of joy and sorrow cause excitement for the world of tomorrow

Hard work and dedication to your chosen discipline will provide opportunity to seek the edification we all desire inherently

Embrace fear and solitude so you can focus on what you love

The only answers lie within, not from above

We have given authority over our body, mind, and soul to a multitude of deity triads who all have one common goal: control

Resurrect your will to power and govern your self once more

Accept your divinity and use your unmatched hands of creativity

Past pursuits of physical and sexual gratification caused this present state of emotional and psychological reflection

Memories of joy and sorrow cause excitement for the world of tomorrow

Hell and Her Fury

Hell and Her Fury

A person whom I considered to be a friend has shown me why she could never be. We planned to have our dogs play with one another on Sunday, January 11^th, 2015. Before we left for the park Camberly and I waited at my house for Brian to arrive. Ferdinand was extremely stimulated by her appearance, and when Brian arrived with his canine (who was still in heat) my dog was unable to control himself. I attempted several times to state commands and he continued to be disobedient. She attempted to discipline my dog before I had a chance. In his eyes I could see the look of a child being directed at me, as if to say, “I am going to get away with things while she is here”.

A disciplinary tactic was implemented which found Ferdinand with his side on the ground and my left palm over the tuft of fur on the back of his neck. He was motionless and unharmed by the maneuver. Camberly screamed a blood curdling cry of disapproval and lunged forward in an attempt to get me to stop. I pushed her hand away and instructed her to stop while I implemented his discipline. She was irate by my reaction and stormed out of the house. Her immediate concern was understandable because of the two yelps which my dog did let out; however, she was not aware the yelp was not a sound of injury, but rather a yelp for help; he wanted her to save him from the discipline I was about to impose.

I can say without hesitation I am very happy this happened. She no longer is a friend because of how she reacted. Her inability to stay calm when faced with uncomfortable and disagreeable conditions appalled me. 

Stress must be endured; it is the only way you can gain strength. When you lose sight of what you want because of heightened emotions it cripples your ability to compromise. She was not willing to communicate properly and effectively. Not only is it painstakingly obvious she is not a very good friend, it is very clear now that she has not had very many friends because of her weak social skills. Her actions were rash and disrespectful.

When I let Brian know of her decision to report me to Animal Services he was stunned. He mentioned she was going through tough times right now and her decision was obviously affected by her current emotional and psychological condition. Although I do agree, the fact she was not able to contact me before going to the authorities aggravates me. By doing so she clarified her lack of respect for me as a person and canine owner. His comments provoked this thought:  Hell hath no fury like an unrequited lover’s scorn.

Camberly’s affection might have contributed to the result of this situation because I have not returned her feelings toward me. Sadly, I think I am going to be the man she loved who never loved her back. What causes sadness in my heart is I will know her no more. With her callous decision she chose to end our relationship. I will miss you Camberly and wish you a beautiful life full of joy and struggle. Goodbye.

Out of Body out of Mind

An experience of consciousness

The journey home tonight was dangerous due to people who did not have any attention on those around them. Three people would have collided with my vehicle had I not noticed these incredulous individuals. Our encounters left my nerves peaked and the hunger in my stomach heightened my emotions. Ferdinand had decided to “play” with his toy basket and a pillow from my bed. When I arrived home to the mess he had made I was furious. He was disciplined in a non-physical manner and it left me drained. A bath seemed to be the best idea to calm my nerves after dinner. Lemon bath salts were added to the water. Dragonfly started to play on the portable speaker Pablo let me borrow.

Hot water kissed my feet with scorched lips. Quickly the rest of my body was submerged to acclimate to the warmth. It spread throughout my body instantly; I was subdued. Music resonated from one water molecule to the next and was distorted by the time it reached my ears insomuch that it was entirely different. Certain notes were lost in the water completely, and others gained volume and intensity. Meditation was all I could think of. My breath slowed to a crawl.

Every inhale which followed the last became slower and longer. Every exhale seemed to pull me further away from the tub I laid in. Oxygen began to fill my diaphragm past what I had previously conceived its capacity was. Melodies and accompaniments dwindled into silence. Percussion in the music dominated my hearing. Boom, boom, ba-ba-boom; it fell on me like a house.

A familiar sound unlike any percussion instrument I have heard echoed in my ears. Out of the darkness on the back of my eyelids a shape began to form. As it drew closer to the vision of my subconscious mind I realized instantly it was a human heart that was still beating; I was pulled from the water as if someone had a hold of the collar of my shirt and yanked me upward, (I was still naked). Ferdinand stood outside of the tub whimpering out of concern. I reassured him everything was alright and I would be back soon; I fell back under the water. Wizard on Eleventh began to play as the water swallowed me again.

Suddenly I was prompted to raise my arms to the sky, spread my fingers and stretch them as far toward the heavens as I could. Involuntarily my hands formed the consummate “V”. Out of the darkness on the back of my eyelids a ball of yellowish-white light fell into my open hands. Unwittingly I cupped my hands; palms facing my chest; and drew them over my heart. As this was repeated for a third time a heavy fatigue overtook my mind. A profound solace touched my soul with an intense energy that overwhelmed my senses with joy and I wept.