I had posted this piece some time ago, but because of my deeply rooted feelings for the person this was about it was difficult for me to allow it to remain. Much has happened since I took this post down, and I am now ready to finally move into the next chapter of my story. I am optimistic for the future.
Physical pain such as, broken bones, torn ligaments, ailments of the mind, sickness of the body; all of these conditions that bring fatigue and suffering do not compare with the aching anguish of a broken heart. Lost in a world of solitude when you become connected to someone so fully that the apathy this isolated life propagates is diminished to a negligible amount a joy is felt that overwhelms and bewilders the senses. On the same token when you are disconnected from the individual the emotional and physical stress that is endured can be almost unbearable.
Love is a concept that I have been unable to grasp throughout my life. Separated from my parents at an early age because of a difference of perception on a set of beliefs, I found solace in the disparity of love. Distancing myself from the world I became a spectator of the machinations of humanity. Always an observer of the frivolity of relationships, never a participant. Always safely far enough away from any that would try to connect to me.
Removing myself from the possibility of harm from the process of this human interaction brings comfort and solace to a lonely heart by providing security for the privacy of your personality. Concealing all of your weaknesses, insecurities, and fears so that you may maintain an image of strength and infallibility. Watching the ridiculous nature that presents itself when one is blinded by the deepening care for another individual your logic is disabled. Reason does not allow you to comprehend why you would endure such a spectacle for the mere companionship of another human being. The only plausible thought is that it brings humor into an other wise dull existence.
This ignorance is the blockade that closed my eyes to the fruits of labor that come from having such an intimate relationship with someone. We can never truly know another person's thoughts, nor can we ever truly feel their emotions, however, when two people are willing to remove the barriers of insecurity, anxiety, and fear, that prevent us from understanding the fullness of another individual, a door can be opened that will give us the sight necessary to view this world through their eyes. Standing defenseless in this manner is the only way that you can actually begin the adventure into love.
Contempt for this is common due to the vulnerability achieved by allowing someone to view the world as you do. No two people are the same so we are inherently inclined to conceal the secrets of our nature from the majority of society. Afraid that our perception of reality will be met with ridicule and mockery because of the confusion and sadness that come with our deepest thoughts we find that society falls back onto creating distractions that prevent one from viewing this scene of life. Empathizing only with the emotions that stimulate the creation of happiness, society brings about an age that calls for the fortification of our barriers to avoid confrontation with our inner most darkness. Finding acceptance only through conforming to this insolence protects one from the isolation and suffering inflicted by the rejection from society, however, it also prevents one from obtaining the vision necessary to venture into love.
This completely natural desire for acceptance is definitely counter intuitive to the concept of love. By providing the neglect of your emotional stability you become drawn from the attainment of this concept to the disparity of it. This process starts slowly when you encounter your first betrayal of trust. Now uncertain if others will behave in the same fashion more of the information you hold about your nature is hidden from view. Circumstance will present more opportunities for the divulging of facts that when given are received poorly by the other party. Nearing the situation again you simply refrain from engaging. Finally you have come to a point where you will detach yourself from these interactions so that you can maintain a distance that keeps you safely out of harms reach. An evolutionary process that must be stopped so that one may enjoy a memory with another. The question that comes to my mind is, how can one remove such a strong resistor of human capability?
The individual is the answer. Since groups only want a uniform behavior that is accompanied with comfort and security, one must be removed from the group so that they may come to an understanding to this everlasting human ideal. The heartbreak plays her part very well in this role. When you give yourself unto another person an attachment is created that binds you to them. Friendships, of either intimate nature, that are ended provide the foundation for the understanding of love by giving the necessary heartache for insight. Severing these ties impose the complete range of emotions onto the individual so that they become focused on only their position within this life. This isolated perception stimulates a narrow scope that hones in on the attitude and behavior that has caused the consequences in your life. Actualizing this speculative position places one as an objective observer over their circumstance. In doing so you place yourself in front of an opportunity where you can identify the obstacles of insecurity, anxiety, confusion, and fear that prevented you, or the other person from completely giving into the situation, and to you.
Constantly confused as an emotion, Love is a concept that can only really be enacted after one removes their self interest. Unlike emotions that come to fruition or dissipate within the moment, love is something that must be maintained and nurtured through the dedication to the labor of another individuals happiness. This work never ends. Personal strife will be endured so that the interests of the person you are sharing your life with are your priorities as well. Removing yourself from the equation you can learn more about this life through the caring for another person than you could by watching them their entire life. By giving of yourself without hesitation you will experience a slight sorrow at the release of your inherent obstacles. Replacing this will be a joy that envelopes the very fiber of your being with the utmost joyous contentment for life.
The hesitation is warranted from the extreme agony that is impressed upon the heart when you give into the arduous task of service to another and you are not joined by the one you are facing that you had hoped would take your hand, Utter contempt for the world rises from the frustration of revealing your true identity. Forsaken by your own folly a misery is instilled in your mind that moves you into isolation; introverted back to an infantile state the greatest revelation of love shows itself.
Through the woes of a broken heart you experience every emotion known to us. Overcoming this hardship you will remove you from self. Enabling you to commit to the work necessary to advance the progression of those around you. Setting you up to experience love in its truest form: selfless benevolence for the progression of mankind. Not three words spoken, not showering of material objects, not throwing money at someone, but the endeavor to maintain and develop the happiness of someone else through the sacrifice of your time and energy. This is not limited to the interactions between a man and a woman. Any of our species that are willing to remove the inherent inclination for separation and isolation that prevent us from fulfilling our individuality through the gift of service can attain a transcendental joy that actualized the ideal of love.
This is the purpose of life. To find those that are willing to join you in a commitment to the dedication of one another. The ideal of love can be found within our frail reality if two people are only willing to relieve themselves of the insolent natures of their humanity. Relentlessly battling against our own intuition we can come to find the revelation of our existence. I am extremely grateful since last September of last year I have known someone of exceptional quality. Sojourning through this concept with someone who I never thought would be give me a second look, my eyes have been opened to world of hope and excitement that I never knew existed. Accepting the love that has been waiting for me allowed a zeal for life to enter into my being. The fullness of my being is being actualized by the interest others are showing in my self. Always creeping into me is the fallacies of my creation, but this time they cannot take hold. For the benevolence, kindness, and charity bestowed by those around me in my time of need are proof of the existence of something greater within the confines of the human spirit. I have been redeemed by the selfless qualities of others. Now it is my turn to return the favor. On this day I dedicate myself to the redeeming concept of mankind. I commit myself to the pursuit of all those searching and yearning for the warmth of this ideal. In doing so I give up the interest in my self for the advancement of those struggling to grasp this concept of everlasting joy. Today I accept my responsibility for the fulfillment of the lives of others. Today I accept my humanity.
