Prolonged Sadness

Throughout life I have found myself confronted with choice points again and again. These crucial moments decide which direction my life goes and what fate awaits me at the end. Sadly, I must admit I have chosen poorly over the last year. I chose a woman who betrayed me. One decision is all it took to distance me from my friends. Now I am idle; grieving for a life lost, disillusioned and jaded from a lost love. Energy surges through our cosmos and inside of each of us. Since winter arrived and she left, my heart has grown cold. The spark I had fizzled into darkness and whatever ignited it is no longer present in me.

I wish for a return of passion and ambition so that I can end this melancholic trance. Although I exercise physically and mentally on a daily basis, my behaviors and actions have not returned my once prevalent thirst for life. Happiness seems like a fleeting memory that clings to my subconscious like a flower petal in a tornado. How long can this fragile entity hold out against these powerful winds?

Many men and women I have spoken to tell me to get under someone to get over it (yes, sex). Instincts inform me this would only compound my current psychological state insomuch I would become unstable emotionally. I am still so hurt from this last relationship because I thought I no longer had to think about dating and mating rituals of our people. It is unusual to be a male of our species who has so much emotion because it is not normal and not well understood by others.

By now most people would have recovered or distracted themselves in some way, but I am still reeling from my wounds. Whenever someone has cut me this deep it takes an enormous amount of time for me to heal. The solitude I choose when I am hurt causes me to be lost among the crowd again; a lone wolf wandering aimlessly in the wild. People become a nuisance and I lose my desire to speak. I can only release the tension in my vocal chords with a pen and paper.

Ferdinand is the best result of this last year of my life. He is an incredible dog who is very aware of his master and his moods. However, human companionship can never be replaced, and I yearn for the companionship of a woman specifically. For someone like me who is always lost in a daydream or a thought, women are a mere afterthought and so is my own well-being. Those women who have extended their hand of friendship to me over the last five and a half months find I am overly reserved, unto the point of being unapproachable and seemingly uninterested of their presence.

My aversion is completely unintentional. I am trying very hard to pull myself from this depressed and distressed state of mind like I have so many times before. Yet, there is a small voice of reason that tells me I cannot do this alone. I need help to ignite my fire. How do I find happiness again?

America the beautiful, the brave, and the bold

People in America want to provide the best opportunities and best advantages for their children as possible with their income and intellect. Sadly the American Ideology has perverted this natural parental instinct. People now want to have advantage over others and want to ensure their children attend the best schools and are surrounded by the right type of people so they can be developed into a specific vision their parents have in mind. This vision is a seed of American ideology planted in each individual from the moment they are born- elitism and narcissism.

When intelligent or financially successful people speak about their children it baffles me they actually believe their children deserve a higher funded and more intimate education than children of impoverished or mentally unhealthy people. One question always appears in my mind, “WHY?” It is peculiar to me that someone who is a psychiatrist would send their child who wants to play drums to a charter school dedicated to physics and mathematics. Natural ability is moot when desire is non-existent.

Education is important whether you take a traditional route, or you are self taught. People around the world deserve access to the best education we as people can provide, and information should not be reserved for an elite few who have enough money to pay for it. The internet has connected much of us to seemingly unlimited information, but there are many who do not have access because of income or location. Therefore we must find a way to change our infrastructure in order to be able to provide a meaningful and substantial education for every willing participant no matter their ethnic, racial, or economic background.

In my mind education is our key to recovering from this perversion of a utilitarian society. Mental and physical health issues in America are a result of class warfare developed through this century of ego, self, and consequently, greed.  It is true the most valuable asset is people. We have always had the resources to take care of our people, and now that we have the science (knowledge) to do so it is imperative we re-align our teachings with that of our eternal source and remove all that weakens and prevents us from achieving our potential as a species; that prevents us from being connected with nature. The indoctrination of American people to consume goods and purchase services and entertainment which are mentally and physically unhealthy should no longer be tolerated.

You as an individual must regain authority over your own will. Determine which is the healthiest course of action for your self. Do not let others influence your decisions. Commit yourself to rigorous study on how to attain and maintain a physically healthy body so that you may be able to engage in intellectual activities which challenge and strengthen.  Ignore the temptations of entertainment and indulgence, for they are only temporary satisfactions. When you are resurrected you will be gratified in a joyous way only the embrace of an eternal truth can provide.

Our time to speak is now. We must stand against the tyranny of our day before another generation is lost. Corporate entities must be held accountable for their actions motivated by their greed, corruption, and perversion of this American foundation; and we must move forward warily with the knowledge of our mistakes. May these words find ears that need to hear.

America the beautiful, the brave, and the bold

Once a glorious land to behold

Winds of change and hope were carried on her breath

Now, all I can smell is a pervert’s death

A secret to life, maybe

A new friend and I were in the midst of a conversation about religion and indoctrination when he said he had

to believe in something bigger than himself since he no longer believes in God. My immediate response was

this, "Believe in yourself man. I know some days it can be hard, but I try my best to take an existential view-

I exist, and therefore I am awesome."

Adventures of King Ferdinand and his most trusted servant

On this morning of mornings Ferdinand woke with the same excitement for life he did every morning. He crawled out of his bed and stretched his body in two different directions as if it was being torn apart. The sun had already started to change hues in the western skies with its early light as he walked quietly down a long hallway to his servant’s quarters. Laronicus Lemonald was found sleeping soundly like he was every morning. Ferdinand leapt into the air and crashed onto the bed next to Laronicus.

“Get up! Get up! It is time to get up!”

Incomprehensible moans and groans were muffled by the blankets that still covered his face. Ferdinand smiled widely as he rolled off the bed and onto his feet. Laronicus remained motionless and seemingly unaware of what was about to happen. He sat up and let the blanket fall from his face just in time to see Ferdinand’s feet lift off of the ground. His hands were still underneath the blankets and so he was helpless when the weight of his king fell upon him.

“You are a childish king! Get off of me fool!” Laronicus exclaimed

“Get up! Get up! It is time to get up!” Ferdinand retorted

“I cannot get up because you are on top of me.” Laronicus said irritably

“Get up! Get up! It is time to get up!” Ferdinand said mockingly

“Alright, it is your fault should you get hurt.” Laronicus stated firmly

Ferdinand smiled widely as he rolled off the bed and onto his feet again. The cold from the night lingered in the air. Goosebumps rose on Laronicus’ skin as he threw his blankets to the side. A chilly embrace sent a shiver down his spine.

He wiggled his toes and fingers in a feeble attempt to warm himself. What little movement he was awake enough to attempt was not enough to compensate for the morning temperature. The closest pair of pants was picked up and smelled for freshness. Loud crashes and noises could be heard in the kitchen where his master had already wandered off to. It would only be a matter of time before Ferdinand hurt himself so Laronicus hurried to find him.