Baggage

I am merely a damaged bag going around the baggage claim with the rest of the contents of the cargo; an emotionally damaged man who lives in an emotionally damaged world.

End Rant.

Another Day, Another Chapter

Today is another day were I am stuck between apathy and carelessness. Over the last month I have undergone a dramatic personal change. The people who I considered to be close friends I am less inclined to see every day. Social interaction is an absolute necessity of our species. However, throughout the last month I have preferred the company of solitude over people.

A separation caused by my own selfish action. Survival is the most prominent motivation for action, and so I cannot help but wonder if my decision to severe my connection to those people is due to instinct. Foresight is not a gift, nor an inherent ability. I view this to be a thought process of our perception of reality created by the analysis of our personal observation(s) of the environment we are involved with. The analysis of our observations is what allows us to determine what are the best actions to take in the present to cause positive consequences to occur in our future; a skill most people either do not have, or do not know how to use.

The people I have spent my time with over the last six months are friendly, humorous, and carefree; all attributes I enjoy. However, the last is the one which concerns me most. "Carefree" and "Apathy" have a close relation, and the line that separates the two is easily blurred. Taoism taught me to live a simple life, and Buddhism taught me to live in the present. However, I do not let myself be blinded by the thoughts of one person or group. I study the past to learn how the present was developed, and I focus on the present to help me prepare to create my own future.

What I once thought to be a negative facet of my personality-a contradiction of one quality to another-is actually my greatest strength. An insatiable desire to observe, analyze, interpret, and understand drives me away from those individuals who have no ambition for their own future. I have lived a life of experience thus far. The people I have had the joy to meet have educated and edified me so thoroughly the imprint they have left will forever be burned into my consciousness.

Love fills my proverbial heart for all that I have known.

Although invaluable experiences have been gained through these relationships, the time has arrived for my departure. This is not a literal increase in the physical distance between separate entities. A figurative transformation has evolved my consciousness to a state of awareness where I no longer desire the constant inebriation of the mind, (a distraction from the monotony of the individuals chosen/provided reality), and the lackadaisical attitude I have maintained up to this time in my life, (apathy, procrastination, depression).

The employment I obtained because of a dear friend was, and is definitely one of the factors that contributes most of all to this unexpected change to my learned behaviors. Both the employees and attorneys who work here have lifestyles which contrast my own and others like me. Research had to be done. I discovered we were the minority, and we were condescended by the majority for appropriate reasons.

Conclusions to such endeavors do not always yield results which make us happy. I am no exception. Life is what you make of it, and I have not made an attempt to achieve the life I want to live. From this day forward the only actions to take are those that will benefit me the most. The self must be actualized.

As I leave those I have known behind my heart is heavy from the sadness caused by my loss. No insults will be spoken; no disrespectful or offensive statements will be uttered about those I now speak of. Instead, love is, and always will be felt when they are remembered. In this time of melancholy a thought causes a spark inside my subconscious that invigorates my passion to continue my work; people are drawn to other people with similar qualities, characteristics, attitudes, and learned behaviors. Optimism is nothing without action, and so it begins.

A Game of Cards

A Game of Cards

Fuck everyone else

The time has come to focus on my "Self"

Get out life’s deck and see what was dealt

Look at this girl trying to boost her flat ass with those heels

Trying hard to find a man who can give her money and thrills

Another corrupted woman with no skills

One look into those beautiful eyes and you will fall for her disguise

A wise man will never agree to such a compromise

Acquaintances pretend to be a friend to see what valuable cards from your hand you will lend

Acquiesce the request if you want to fold your hand and become distressed

Deuces are wild is not my style

An all natural royal flush is what causes me to smile

Yet, we all know the chances our hand will show a pure court is statistically low

Do not be discouraged by this fact

It does not matter where in the 52 you are at

You exist, and there is nothing more incredible than that

Pick up the cards to play life’s game

Stop the pursuit of fame and the worries of pain

Work hard and wait patiently for the flop to see what you can create from what you caught

Decide your hand’s value and throw the amount into the pot

I analyze my opponent while I gamble my money and time

There is no risk without reward and this is why I put my life on the line

I toil at the final table to overcome the collusion of the dealer and the house with a strategy of my own design

Let the chips fall and see where I stand

I am all in this game no matter the hand

The cyclical result will not be the same for this man

Winners take all

Everyone else remembers the call

Hard work combined with luck is the opportunity that will turn the high card

Reeds by the River

Reeds by the River dance back and forth

Nature’s voice imposes her force

In plain sight a message is hidden

Will anyone listen?

Calmly the breeze passes through the trees with ease before it flows into the river and drops into the reeds

Up in the sky she rushes at a bird’s eye until she sees people who can fly and sucks into the airplane’s turbine

Down she Spirals

Into Wild Fires

Monstrous Spires

Deadly Desires

Stir the Debris

Left by this Decayed Tree

Nurture the Soil

Undo Death’s Coil

Calmly the breeze passes through the trees with ease before it flows into the river and drops into the reeds

A subtle whisper on the wind touches my skin with a gentle caress that tears away the mental burden of mortal sin

Reeds by the River dance back and forth

Nature’s voice imposes her force

In plain sight a message is hidden

Will anyone listen?

Open Eyes

I have awakened from a lucid dream. A haze has lifted from my eyes. Clarity has returned to my thoughts. I am me again.

Oligarchic State

Corporations in America have aggregated the majority of wealth in this country into the hands of a minute percentage of our population. We are all people participating in the struggle to survive in a destructive and chaotic cosmos. Yet, we allow these individuals who have usurped the authority of government through financial oppression to behave in a criminal manner which is counter-productive to the overall progress of our species, and this also has negative consequences on our environment. The only way we can replace this oligarchic state is to educate ourselves in literature and language so thoroughly that we can create legislation which is able to regulate the greed and arrogance of these insolent few. Now is the time to join together. Now is the time to take the first step into the future. One question remains; will we be slaves or a unified collective?

A note to a loving mother

Another Mother’s day approaches with the same question in mind, what can I give my mother to show my appreciation? Words cannot express the profound gratitude that resides in my consciousness for this woman. She sacrificed her most valuable asset to raise five incredible children and one husband: her time. 

Sacrifice has many rewards. The children she has taught and loved have now become responsible adults who contribute a positive attitude, and a progressive view of the world to any circumstance we are involved with. We were taught to view everyone as our family and give them the unconditional love our mother and father gave us.  We were taught to think for ourselves and stand for what we believe in. Confidence without arrogance; Education without ignorance; Unbridled Passion for your individuality; Compassion for the well-being of others; these values and many more were taught to our family at a very early age. 

People who meet my sisters and I are instantly drawn to our personalities, perceptions, ideas, and attitudes. This can all be attributed to the nurturing we received from two wonderful parents who complimented one another so perfectly. Since this holiday is dedicated to the mother I will focus on her. The role of the mother is the nurturer, and is defined by the Webster dictionary as follows: “the sum of the environmental factors influencing the behavior and traits expressed by an organism”. Every “momma’s boy” can agree their mother is in fact defined by this word. There was a book I once read, (I cannot recall the name), about a man whose mother would rock him to sleep every single night. This trend continued into his adult life. 

I am now 27 years old. In my short time in this world I have tried to comfort my chaotic soul in so many ways. I have attempted to calm the nervous energy causing the overwhelming anxiety that drives me to action instead of insanity. Nothing has been found since my youth. The comfort and security of a mother’s embrace can make the most excruciating, painful, and even most of the embarrassing moments disappear almost immediately. This is why I can give nothing that would come close to what she has given me.

A friend of mine who recently lost his mother told me everything good inside of him came from her. Genetics determine who we are. Two people combined their codes to create me. I know without a doubt in my mind the sincere compassion and kindness that is the root of my unconditional love for the people of our species is part of my genetic code because of my mother Ann S. Lemon. She is an extraordinary person who uses her talents to show people how incredible they are as well. I love my mother, and I am overjoyed to have the opportunity to be her son. 

Any man with a mother like mine should make sure she knows you love her. Give her a hug and make sure she knows what she has done for you. All a mother ever wants to know is that her children are going to survive and flourish. My mother should know the last seven years of hard work and struggle are dedicated to her. When I was lost in the struggles with the darkness in my subconscious mind she was there to help me stand back up, and regain control of a life that was lost. The stability and happiness I now have in my life is a result of her unflinching desire to see her son reach his potential. I have followed Robert Frost’s advice and taken the path less traveled, and if it were not for the tools my mother had equipped me with I probably would not have survived the journey. The life I create from here will be a monument to her love. This is for my mother; thank you, thank you.

I love you mother,

Laron Robert Lemon