A little over two years ago a relationship which I thought was the last I would have to search for ended abruptly. At the time the devastation presented me with what seemed to be the only two options: use drugs (including alcohol) to silence my pain; or use exercise and education to distract me. I chose the latter.
Fast forward to the present. I find the sexual escapades of my youth are now ghosts of a past that barely seems recognizable because of who I have become. I yearn for intellectual and emotional stimulation before any thoughts of sexual interaction even enter my mind. Physical attractions and infatuations still occur. However, my focus has shifted from the temporary happiness of a sexual conquest, to the lasting joy of an intimate interaction with another person who understands the internal universe which is my true identity.
Since I am a heterosexual male in a patriarchal society I am expected to behave like many of my other male counterparts- i.e. satisfy my “natural” desire. Too often friends of mine say, “what you have not had sex in how many months? Why? We need to get you to a bar.” This is emasculating and disrespectful. The words convey a hurtful meaning of damn, you need some help- and shows a lack of understanding that my lack of sexual activity is a choice, not a condition of life imposed upon me because of unattractive qualities of my personality, or physical characteristics.
Statements like these also show an extreme disrespect for women- as if women are objects to possess, for the benefit and entertainment of men. This idea has persisted in human culture for too long, and I cannot find any logic that would lead to such an irrational conclusion.
This brings me to female comics, such as the terrible Amy Schumer. She, and others like her are terrible role models for women. This is what I hear behind all her theatrics, “Get drunk, be a slut, show some legs, and some cleavage- feminism!” To me this is the same side of the coin as those male friends of mine who want to have the subservient wife (she is selling the same patriarchal dogma- if a man/woman you are interested in perceives you as a promiscuous person who is a drink, convincing them of your intelligence and other positive qualities is going to be an uphill battle).
I am not saying not to engage in those activities while in your youth. Doing so will allow you to find you levels of comfort. That said, do not feel like you have to be like the Amy Schumers, or many of those male sluts you know, in order to be you. I know how difficult it can be to try to maintain your own identity in sea full of extremes. The spectrum of sexuality ranges from the prudes to the sluts, and everywhere in between. Find where you fit in that spectrum and let people hear your voice. It is the only way other people who are scared will overcome their fears. Cheers.
No comments:
Post a Comment