Love... is a struggle

Love… is a struggle

Love used to be so easy for me. I was taught to be compassionate, to care about other people and their journey through this life. I was taught to attempt to understand the struggles other people endure. Tonight I find myself overwhelmed by a sense of loss, solitude, and disappointment.

Another year of my story is now past and I find myself in a constant struggle to love my self and to love others.

When you look in a mirror who do you see?

I see a person who cannot understand how so many people can choose to hate someone because of the color of their skin, the country where they born, their gender or a belief they prescribe to. I see a person who is not satisfied with what he has done. I see a person who has failed more time than he has succeeded.  I see someone who is scared to love other people unconditionally. I see someone who wants to be extraordinary, but is only a man.

Today is difficult because yet again I am consumed with thoughts of solitude versus companionship. Part of me wishes for nothing more than to leave the destructive disputes of humanity so that I can rejoin the creative forces of nature. I yearn for the solace nature and mountains bring my soul. Yet, I continue to gravitate toward assimilation and socialization because of my fascination and affection for our people (I speak broadly in terms of our entire species).

Tomorrow I set a goal for myself to find the beauty in others. I earnestly want to be able to discover the beauty others have. I want to be able to love not only myself, I want to learn to love my fellow people, and I wish that others can as well. The most difficult part as I write is that this causes me to be vulnerable, and love is exactly that, vulnerability.

The only way we can overcome our hatreds is to communicate openly about our perceptions, and to reveal our true self to the world around us. For me this seems impossible. I am a very sensitive person who is connected very deeply to our world.  Every emotional and psychological wound received from another person strengthens my desire for disassociation with our people.

Throughout this world tensions over ancient ideologies (theologies/belief systems) have reached a 

critical mass and will soon meet their end. Will our species die as well? I think that as long as our new generations decide to love we will not.

Inside my core, the center-point of my very being, a hopeful spark stays lit. A light in the darkness calls me to action; a light in the darkness demands I continue to struggle.  

Love is a struggle I want to engage in.

What about you?