Honesty:
Truthfulness, Sincerity, or frankness
Fairness and straightforwardness of conduct
Throughout the last four months I have dealt with a person
who I thought was going to be the love of my life. Last Saturday it came to my
attention she has not been completely honest with me. I looked at her phone and
saw a text conversation between her and a man named “Tony”, (who she supposedly
met at a bar called X-wives during the middle of the day). Their conversation
detailed a meeting which was to take place on the previous day, (Friday
11/14/14). They planned to meet at his house to drink red wine together. She
backed out with a lie in order to prevent their meeting from ever taking place.
Her decision gave a profound insight into her psychological condition.
When asked if she was going to tell me this had happened she
responded “No” without any hesitation. Involuntarily I told her it was a
problem. We tried to keep going until Thursday, 11/20/14. I woke up in the
morning angry. On my way to work I decided to stop to get coffee creamer and
milk to bring home. When I brought it home we argued furiously for a couple of
hours until I said something close to this, “over the last month and a half you
have felt like a burden.” (The possibility of me saying this in a more mean or
hurtful manner is quiet high since I was in an extremely heightened emotional
state). She began to move her belongings
to her car. We were going to continue to try to work on our relationship from a
distance, but when I arrived home from work yesterday, (11/20/14), I saw the
bed and had to disassemble it.
I am not perfect; I can admit I did not handle this situation
in the best way possible; and I have made my fair share of mistakes during our
relationship. Her dishonesty cannot be tolerated though. She lost her job at
the end of October due to attendance/punctuality issues. We were already
overburdened by her unusual behaviors which had occurred prior to her loss of
employment, and my reactions. I tried to trust her again; I wanted to trust her
again; I wanted to still love her, but I could not do it. We had discussed a
closed-relationship and she chose to break that commitment to me. In doing so she
removed my trust for her; all of her actions and words were questioned. What
else has she lied to me about? I am not certain, (and do not believe), she
actually did ever cheat on me. Her love for me was real. However, she is mentally
unhealthy and if I continued a relationship with her it would only strain my
mind further, and ultimately cause a great deal of unnecessary pain for both of
us.
Sadly, I must admit my natural reaction to her poor decision
was to be cruel. After Saturday I did not pay as much attention to her, and I
found myself ignoring some of, if not all of what she said, when she spoke. I
was mean to her, and it was not right. Although her actions caused me to react
in such a manner, I do not agree with my actions or words. Her actions caused
my reactions, and I do not want to be around someone who can stimulate such
callous behavior from me. It is not healthy for me, and I did not feel like I
was acting like myself.
Dishonesty serves no purpose in my life. Problems will arise
if trust is not present in any relationship. A wise man I worked with at UPS had this to
say about honesty, “Say what you mean, and mean what you say.” In my opinion
honesty not only has to do with your words, but your actions as well. If you
say you have certain behaviors, and that you are interested in specific
extracurricular activities than pursue them passionately. If you say you are
not interested in certain behaviors, and you dislike certain activities than do
not participate in them.
Actions always speak louder than words. When you act
contrary to your words you are being dishonest. When you behave contrary to
your beliefs you are being dishonest. When you do not live up to a moral and
ethical code you have set for yourself you are being dishonest.
People who are not honest I do not need in my
life. I am honest, true, and full of love. A moral foundation instilled in me
by my parents and their religious ideologies will always dictate my actions.
Although I no longer believe the tenants of their religion I still practice fundamental
principles of integrity, compassion, and love. A requirement of the pursuit of happiness is honesty.
Stay true to who you are, and never forget your actions have
consequences on other people. My love goes out to anyone who reads this. I wish you the best.
-Laron
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