NPR Comment

I posted the following comment to NPR: 

http://www.npr.org/2015/05/05/404417697/from-oakland-to-baltimore-lessons-learned-from-cities-of-unrest


Enjoy


Should you be a person inclined to read feel free to view crime statistics; http://www.fbi.gov/stats-servi... ;http://www.census.gov/compendi... ; and http://www.bjs.gov/. In my humble opinion the data reflects our most impoverished and poorly educated communities. Yes, it is true most of these areas are populated by minorities, especially black people. Wages are important to the struggle for equality, but what I think is more important is a thorough education. People who are informed and knowledgeable about laws and processes tend to be able to navigate difficult social situations more maturely. Educated people are also able to resolve most conflicts of life before they become physical altercations and violent encounters that may endanger others. America is in decline right now because of greed and these riots are simply the frustrations of people who do not know how the legal system works, and people who do not have an educated voice to speak for them. Police presence in neighborhoods where the majority of inhabitants are opposed to it will only incite uneducated people to violence. Everyone is a little bit racist, and this need to stop. We are all people and our resources should be redistributed to provide a similar life for as many humans on this planet as possible. Greed and the century of self has caused an education, and consequently a wage disparity in this country which will be its end. Remember that no matter what color your skin is you are a person. People are scared of a global world, but it is an inevitably of our evolution. We now live in a time of pending tyranny and oppression is nigh. This choice point is crucial to the development of this country and how we will impact the world as it becomes more connected as a whole. As a people we must decide if we will succumb to the carnal tendencies of violent revolution (a direction that will only yield the exact same result, as proven by our cyclical history), or realize our potential through new legislation which protects our civil liberties and promotes true equality. Our education system failed us, our judicial system failed us, and now are penal system condemns us with imprisonment for our frustrations. Regardless of who you are violence is not the answer. I wish for nothing more than for a utopia to be created in my lifetime, and I think the only way this would be possible is if we allow every person on the planet to have access to the same information and education. I send my love to those live this struggle every day. End rant.

Prolonged Sadness

Throughout life I have found myself confronted with choice points again and again. These crucial moments decide which direction my life goes and what fate awaits me at the end. Sadly, I must admit I have chosen poorly over the last year. I chose a woman who betrayed me. One decision is all it took to distance me from my friends. Now I am idle; grieving for a life lost, disillusioned and jaded from a lost love. Energy surges through our cosmos and inside of each of us. Since winter arrived and she left, my heart has grown cold. The spark I had fizzled into darkness and whatever ignited it is no longer present in me.

I wish for a return of passion and ambition so that I can end this melancholic trance. Although I exercise physically and mentally on a daily basis, my behaviors and actions have not returned my once prevalent thirst for life. Happiness seems like a fleeting memory that clings to my subconscious like a flower petal in a tornado. How long can this fragile entity hold out against these powerful winds?

Many men and women I have spoken to tell me to get under someone to get over it (yes, sex). Instincts inform me this would only compound my current psychological state insomuch I would become unstable emotionally. I am still so hurt from this last relationship because I thought I no longer had to think about dating and mating rituals of our people. It is unusual to be a male of our species who has so much emotion because it is not normal and not well understood by others.

By now most people would have recovered or distracted themselves in some way, but I am still reeling from my wounds. Whenever someone has cut me this deep it takes an enormous amount of time for me to heal. The solitude I choose when I am hurt causes me to be lost among the crowd again; a lone wolf wandering aimlessly in the wild. People become a nuisance and I lose my desire to speak. I can only release the tension in my vocal chords with a pen and paper.

Ferdinand is the best result of this last year of my life. He is an incredible dog who is very aware of his master and his moods. However, human companionship can never be replaced, and I yearn for the companionship of a woman specifically. For someone like me who is always lost in a daydream or a thought, women are a mere afterthought and so is my own well-being. Those women who have extended their hand of friendship to me over the last five and a half months find I am overly reserved, unto the point of being unapproachable and seemingly uninterested of their presence.

My aversion is completely unintentional. I am trying very hard to pull myself from this depressed and distressed state of mind like I have so many times before. Yet, there is a small voice of reason that tells me I cannot do this alone. I need help to ignite my fire. How do I find happiness again?

America the beautiful, the brave, and the bold

People in America want to provide the best opportunities and best advantages for their children as possible with their income and intellect. Sadly the American Ideology has perverted this natural parental instinct. People now want to have advantage over others and want to ensure their children attend the best schools and are surrounded by the right type of people so they can be developed into a specific vision their parents have in mind. This vision is a seed of American ideology planted in each individual from the moment they are born- elitism and narcissism.

When intelligent or financially successful people speak about their children it baffles me they actually believe their children deserve a higher funded and more intimate education than children of impoverished or mentally unhealthy people. One question always appears in my mind, “WHY?” It is peculiar to me that someone who is a psychiatrist would send their child who wants to play drums to a charter school dedicated to physics and mathematics. Natural ability is moot when desire is non-existent.

Education is important whether you take a traditional route, or you are self taught. People around the world deserve access to the best education we as people can provide, and information should not be reserved for an elite few who have enough money to pay for it. The internet has connected much of us to seemingly unlimited information, but there are many who do not have access because of income or location. Therefore we must find a way to change our infrastructure in order to be able to provide a meaningful and substantial education for every willing participant no matter their ethnic, racial, or economic background.

In my mind education is our key to recovering from this perversion of a utilitarian society. Mental and physical health issues in America are a result of class warfare developed through this century of ego, self, and consequently, greed.  It is true the most valuable asset is people. We have always had the resources to take care of our people, and now that we have the science (knowledge) to do so it is imperative we re-align our teachings with that of our eternal source and remove all that weakens and prevents us from achieving our potential as a species; that prevents us from being connected with nature. The indoctrination of American people to consume goods and purchase services and entertainment which are mentally and physically unhealthy should no longer be tolerated.

You as an individual must regain authority over your own will. Determine which is the healthiest course of action for your self. Do not let others influence your decisions. Commit yourself to rigorous study on how to attain and maintain a physically healthy body so that you may be able to engage in intellectual activities which challenge and strengthen.  Ignore the temptations of entertainment and indulgence, for they are only temporary satisfactions. When you are resurrected you will be gratified in a joyous way only the embrace of an eternal truth can provide.

Our time to speak is now. We must stand against the tyranny of our day before another generation is lost. Corporate entities must be held accountable for their actions motivated by their greed, corruption, and perversion of this American foundation; and we must move forward warily with the knowledge of our mistakes. May these words find ears that need to hear.

America the beautiful, the brave, and the bold

Once a glorious land to behold

Winds of change and hope were carried on her breath

Now, all I can smell is a pervert’s death

A secret to life, maybe

A new friend and I were in the midst of a conversation about religion and indoctrination when he said he had

to believe in something bigger than himself since he no longer believes in God. My immediate response was

this, "Believe in yourself man. I know some days it can be hard, but I try my best to take an existential view-

I exist, and therefore I am awesome."

Adventures of King Ferdinand and his most trusted servant

On this morning of mornings Ferdinand woke with the same excitement for life he did every morning. He crawled out of his bed and stretched his body in two different directions as if it was being torn apart. The sun had already started to change hues in the western skies with its early light as he walked quietly down a long hallway to his servant’s quarters. Laronicus Lemonald was found sleeping soundly like he was every morning. Ferdinand leapt into the air and crashed onto the bed next to Laronicus.

“Get up! Get up! It is time to get up!”

Incomprehensible moans and groans were muffled by the blankets that still covered his face. Ferdinand smiled widely as he rolled off the bed and onto his feet. Laronicus remained motionless and seemingly unaware of what was about to happen. He sat up and let the blanket fall from his face just in time to see Ferdinand’s feet lift off of the ground. His hands were still underneath the blankets and so he was helpless when the weight of his king fell upon him.

“You are a childish king! Get off of me fool!” Laronicus exclaimed

“Get up! Get up! It is time to get up!” Ferdinand retorted

“I cannot get up because you are on top of me.” Laronicus said irritably

“Get up! Get up! It is time to get up!” Ferdinand said mockingly

“Alright, it is your fault should you get hurt.” Laronicus stated firmly

Ferdinand smiled widely as he rolled off the bed and onto his feet again. The cold from the night lingered in the air. Goosebumps rose on Laronicus’ skin as he threw his blankets to the side. A chilly embrace sent a shiver down his spine.

He wiggled his toes and fingers in a feeble attempt to warm himself. What little movement he was awake enough to attempt was not enough to compensate for the morning temperature. The closest pair of pants was picked up and smelled for freshness. Loud crashes and noises could be heard in the kitchen where his master had already wandered off to. It would only be a matter of time before Ferdinand hurt himself so Laronicus hurried to find him. 

Past Future and Present

Anger and resentment from a love lost fade into my past

Optimism and desire shine in my eyes as I stand in front of the door to my future

Urgency in relation to the completion of individual projects is no longer present

The river of life embraces my will to float her waters as I stop swimming against her current

Amidst the crashing waves and aquatic life I take a long desired nap

Thoughts on Seclusion and Repulsion

Melancholy and introspective thoughts woke me early this morning; a frustration in regard to my misconception of her aversion to me. A person, whose avoidance of me I thought was due to my lack of participation in our palpable chemistry, actually despises my very existence because of what I represent to her: unorthodox and opposing religious and ideological values. I was confused and perceived her completely wrong.

A residual emotional pain lingers from her subtle behavior. All she did was tighten her muscles in her face and neck slightly as she walked by when I said hello to her. Whether involuntary or not, her reaction spoke volumes of how she perceives me. I am a physical representation of a moral and ethical set of values and ideals which she believes (or was taught to think she believes) are wrong or “evil”. To find out someone who I thought was attracted to me was in fact repulsed was devastating to my self-confidence and an image of my self that I created.

When Cassie and I split I made a conscious decision to avoid social interaction which did not include some type of mental or physical stimulus I consider more evolved than our carnal instincts and desires. I also decided to ignore anyone of the opposite sex who showed any signs of interest or whom I sensed chemistry with. It would be easy to say this withdrawal was a defense mechanism of someone with a proverbial broken heart (I will admit this is partially true). In this instance it was more of a calculated move I made in an attempt to utilize all of my potential energy.

 I view my tangible self as a biological-biochemical system. Any output is a direct result of what is input into my system. Therefore, sexual intercourse and the preceding interactions required to achieve such an act would reduce my overall potential energy available for endeavors of time I perceive as more meaningful; music composition, climbing, mountain biking, trail running, studying, and writing. It would be counter-intuitive for an individual to consider any activity that would not benefit them or assist them in the eventual completion of their goals. Her subtle, yet painstakingly obvious disgust of my voice and presence has caused me to question development of reclusive behaviors in me.

Social engagement with our species is a natural desire and absolutely necessary to achieve personal happiness. Validation and acceptance are taught to us from the moment we are born. I think this is why profound relationships of love create a lingering desire for similar companionship should that original bond dissolve. Ferdinand is a great companion pet canine. However, he is just a canine and as such he cannot fulfill my desire for companionship with a compatible woman. How long can I continue living in solitude when I am a social animal?

Instinctively I have to answer, “not very long”.

Another depressing effect of this encounter was that I questioned my social skills and how much interest listeners actually have in words I speak. As a writer I tend to be able to flow freely and clearly construct sentences in a competent way that is easily understood by a reader. Quite often (more frequently as of these last two months) I find myself in a hysterical fit of laughter or thoroughly entertained by what I said in a conversation. When I open my eyes to see what reactions people around me have I am surprised to see their behavior is awkward and uncomfortable. Oh how trite and conceited this sounds to me as I write this!

What importance and weight do words I utter actually carry? Is there meaning and substance to my words or do these listeners simply hear ramblings of a genius who has slipped into a deranged and disillusioned insanity? In order to improve who and what I am I must first admit my flaws are real and cause negative consequences to me, and more importantly to other people.

I write much better than I speak because of the enormous amount of time spent on one versus the other. When I speak my words have lost much, if not all, of their meaning. I am often distracted by thoughts about music theory and composition or writing and so a conversation happening presently is an afterthought rather than the focus of my attention. This fault of mine has sealed my proverbial Vishuddha (throat) Chakra and caused an almost complete dissolution of a fundamental principle of communication: listening. I do not listen to most of what people have to say and as a result they care not for what I say.

To me listening is a behavior which indicates concern for another individual’s existence and what gives their life meaning and substance. I had forgotten this and because of my lapse in judgment I now find myself overcome with grief in light of my foolishness. I am sorry to those I have hurt.

None of this was intended. Over the last few months I developed the necessary habits to work rigorously and study consistently. A peculiar change in what I desire has happened. Instead of social interactions which would validate my work and create a sense of acceptance into a social group, I now desire mental and physical exercise. Consequently, desire for non-formal social occasions (i.e. chilling/hanging out) has diminished significantly over these last two months.

When I have attended such occasions I have found myself lost in thoughts about music theory and composition, or physical exercise. Of course this meant I was distracted from a conversation I was currently involved with and it would be difficult for the other person not to notice and eventually lose interest as well.

Reclusive behaviors increase how much time is available to work on personal projects and professional endeavors. However, social connections and opportunities would decrease (which would possibly limit non-academic educational experiences). So I must wonder if happiness provided by a social lifestyle is interchangeable with satisfaction achieved through fruits of my labors. I cannot believe periods of seclusion are not beneficial, but I must admit my neglect of friends new and old was wrong.

Today I am faced with my fallibility and I am glad to be humbled by it. In time my work will be complete, and it will only be perceived as excellent should I know excellent people.  The only way possible to intimately and truly know someone is to listen. Education is stimulated by exchanges of ideas and thoughts. I must return to this valuable skill and master it. Only through reading and listening to words spoken by others can I increase the power and effectiveness of my own. I challenge anyone who reads this to do the same. Good luck.