“THE PERVERT'S GUIDE TO IDEOLOGY”

I watched “THE PERVERT'S GUIDE TO IDEOLOGY” and it has caused me to question my current position in life again! Yay! Haha. Ideology is imbedded in all that we see. We are subliminally and obligatorily advertised a specific lifestyle which promotes and propagates our current democratic-capitalist society. For most of my life I can admit I have been aligned with the outcasts of society who have detested this subversion of choice. Although I do agree with the negative impacts of our current system, I cannot agree what has happened is an unnatural event.

Evolution is an idea which is applicable to the entire natural world, not simply animals. We are mistaken to think the organization and methods of our human systems are a conception of our own. We are molded and affected by all environmental and circumstantial systems we interact with. Therefore our current conditioning is a direct result of our desire to survive. This brings me to a rather interesting conclusion; a different question must be asked. Since I learned of subliminal ideology I have always asked, how did it come to this? Why do people accept it? How can we change it?

In the last two days I have thought about ideology extensively. My mind is drawn to a work by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, “The Possessed”.  His work builds to a climax where a strange man proposes a strange idea: this is the natural way, and it will always be so. Humanity will always be split 90% to 10%. Ten percent of the population will always maintain a majority of control over the others through the use of ideology. This ten percent will also be divided by the same natural 1/10 ratio and so on and so forth.

People continuously move up and down this hierarchical system of rank based on a value determined by those inclusive to the top 10% of the top 10%, (i.e. Top 1% of power/wealth). Intelligent people who succumb to the youthful and ignorant idea that the system can be forced to change will attempt to start revolutions, which often result in overwhelming violence. Merchants (top 10%) profit during these conflicts and continue to maintain their control over the population thereafter.  Whatever names and appearances change, the system in and of itself still remains fundamentally the same.

I used to be under the impression this was somehow unfair and unnatural. I used to think in this age of information we would be able to determine a way to break this human mold. Now, I am humbled by the raw power of our natural world. We are part of a larger organic system which perpetuates its own survival. We are simply a smaller organism which lives inside of a larger organism up and unto the entirety of the cosmos.

I can only surmise this is to mean that our system is not of our own design, (no implication of an omnipotent influence involved with its creation lies within the previous statement; the cosmos occurs naturally and without divine intervention). We casually stumbled upon a natural system to govern ourselves, identified it, and defined it as our own creation; the first mistake of our application of possession over the natural world. 

Consumption in America and throughout the world is not due to the ideology of this natural system of organization. In my opinion this is a direct result of our desire for possession. Inherently we desire to possess something in order to provide some sort of comfort or a delusion of security from our fear of the natural world. I repeat that I think our desire to possess stems from our desire to silence fear.

In my opinion our fundamental system will always be the same: eternal and infinite. What will change is how you live your life. People who are more compassionate and generous that are able to maneuver themselves into better ranks within the system through hard work and education can provide more of a positive impact on other individuals within the system. Therefore it is imperative an individual must first be removed from the system and be subjected to solitude until their true self is actualized through a resurrection of natural desire.

This physically tormented state will subdue the subconscious and conscious mind insomuch that the person will understand what are actually needs, what their wants are, and which ideas were taught to them by society and their parents. When an individual recovers they will be aware of their mind, body and soul. The struggle to maintain your identity in a sea of ideology will finally begin. As for me, I will continue to observe and create! I wish you luck!

I wish

I have only one wish for our people; that they will wake up and become the people they were born to be. You should pursue every opportunity provided by the life you were born to, and enjoy every breath you take. Life is difficult and you will face seemingly insurmountable challenges throughout your existence as a person. Know that no man, woman, god, or child can assume authority over you; only you can become who you were born to be.

Education in whatever discipline you decided to gain knowledge in will set you on a path to reach an edification of the soul we all seek. Embrace fear found in solitude and dedicate your time to study and rigorous work. In time you will develop into a valuable person who can stimulate positive growth and change in others. I wish you all the best. 

Broken Glass

Broken Glass

Shattered pieces fall to the ground. Shards of unforgettable experiences cut my skin and leave their scars as I pick them up. Day by day, piece by peace the aftermath is cleaned and discarded.

Past pursuits of physical and sexual gratification caused this present state of emotional and psychological reflection

Memories of joy and sorrow cause excitement for the world of tomorrow

Hard work and dedication to your chosen discipline will provide opportunity to seek the edification we all desire inherently

Embrace fear and solitude so you can focus on what you love

The only answers lie within, not from above

We have given authority over our body, mind, and soul to a multitude of deity triads who all have one common goal: control

Resurrect your will to power and govern your self once more

Accept your divinity and use your unmatched hands of creativity

Past pursuits of physical and sexual gratification caused this present state of emotional and psychological reflection

Memories of joy and sorrow cause excitement for the world of tomorrow

Hell and Her Fury

Hell and Her Fury

A person whom I considered to be a friend has shown me why she could never be. We planned to have our dogs play with one another on Sunday, January 11^th, 2015. Before we left for the park Camberly and I waited at my house for Brian to arrive. Ferdinand was extremely stimulated by her appearance, and when Brian arrived with his canine (who was still in heat) my dog was unable to control himself. I attempted several times to state commands and he continued to be disobedient. She attempted to discipline my dog before I had a chance. In his eyes I could see the look of a child being directed at me, as if to say, “I am going to get away with things while she is here”.

A disciplinary tactic was implemented which found Ferdinand with his side on the ground and my left palm over the tuft of fur on the back of his neck. He was motionless and unharmed by the maneuver. Camberly screamed a blood curdling cry of disapproval and lunged forward in an attempt to get me to stop. I pushed her hand away and instructed her to stop while I implemented his discipline. She was irate by my reaction and stormed out of the house. Her immediate concern was understandable because of the two yelps which my dog did let out; however, she was not aware the yelp was not a sound of injury, but rather a yelp for help; he wanted her to save him from the discipline I was about to impose.

I can say without hesitation I am very happy this happened. She no longer is a friend because of how she reacted. Her inability to stay calm when faced with uncomfortable and disagreeable conditions appalled me. 

Stress must be endured; it is the only way you can gain strength. When you lose sight of what you want because of heightened emotions it cripples your ability to compromise. She was not willing to communicate properly and effectively. Not only is it painstakingly obvious she is not a very good friend, it is very clear now that she has not had very many friends because of her weak social skills. Her actions were rash and disrespectful.

When I let Brian know of her decision to report me to Animal Services he was stunned. He mentioned she was going through tough times right now and her decision was obviously affected by her current emotional and psychological condition. Although I do agree, the fact she was not able to contact me before going to the authorities aggravates me. By doing so she clarified her lack of respect for me as a person and canine owner. His comments provoked this thought:  Hell hath no fury like an unrequited lover’s scorn.

Camberly’s affection might have contributed to the result of this situation because I have not returned her feelings toward me. Sadly, I think I am going to be the man she loved who never loved her back. What causes sadness in my heart is I will know her no more. With her callous decision she chose to end our relationship. I will miss you Camberly and wish you a beautiful life full of joy and struggle. Goodbye.

Out of Body out of Mind

An experience of consciousness

The journey home tonight was dangerous due to people who did not have any attention on those around them. Three people would have collided with my vehicle had I not noticed these incredulous individuals. Our encounters left my nerves peaked and the hunger in my stomach heightened my emotions. Ferdinand had decided to “play” with his toy basket and a pillow from my bed. When I arrived home to the mess he had made I was furious. He was disciplined in a non-physical manner and it left me drained. A bath seemed to be the best idea to calm my nerves after dinner. Lemon bath salts were added to the water. Dragonfly started to play on the portable speaker Pablo let me borrow.

Hot water kissed my feet with scorched lips. Quickly the rest of my body was submerged to acclimate to the warmth. It spread throughout my body instantly; I was subdued. Music resonated from one water molecule to the next and was distorted by the time it reached my ears insomuch that it was entirely different. Certain notes were lost in the water completely, and others gained volume and intensity. Meditation was all I could think of. My breath slowed to a crawl.

Every inhale which followed the last became slower and longer. Every exhale seemed to pull me further away from the tub I laid in. Oxygen began to fill my diaphragm past what I had previously conceived its capacity was. Melodies and accompaniments dwindled into silence. Percussion in the music dominated my hearing. Boom, boom, ba-ba-boom; it fell on me like a house.

A familiar sound unlike any percussion instrument I have heard echoed in my ears. Out of the darkness on the back of my eyelids a shape began to form. As it drew closer to the vision of my subconscious mind I realized instantly it was a human heart that was still beating; I was pulled from the water as if someone had a hold of the collar of my shirt and yanked me upward, (I was still naked). Ferdinand stood outside of the tub whimpering out of concern. I reassured him everything was alright and I would be back soon; I fell back under the water. Wizard on Eleventh began to play as the water swallowed me again.

Suddenly I was prompted to raise my arms to the sky, spread my fingers and stretch them as far toward the heavens as I could. Involuntarily my hands formed the consummate “V”. Out of the darkness on the back of my eyelids a ball of yellowish-white light fell into my open hands. Unwittingly I cupped my hands; palms facing my chest; and drew them over my heart. As this was repeated for a third time a heavy fatigue overtook my mind. A profound solace touched my soul with an intense energy that overwhelmed my senses with joy and I wept. 

Music and Writing: A thought

Music and writing is now my life. Since Cassie and I broke up I have done nothing other than work on my book and music. Friends and family are a distant second in my mind. They have not been forgotten, nor ignored. Instead, my focus lies elsewhere for now. I do not know which path I will walk in life; however, I  do know this path will be consumed by Music and writing. A state of positive mental health is my ultimate goal: a beautiful death.

Music lightens my soul and alleviates my mind of stresses caused by life. When I sit down to create a new melody my mind is absorbed by a narrow sighted vision which excludes all other existence. All that is real is me and the waves of sound being interlaced to harmonize as one fluid and complete movement. Each composition has a life unlike any other: individuality. These hands of creation  form something out of nothing.

Down into the abyss, into the void, my hands reach deep to find the hidden secrets theoretical strings wait to play for my aching ears. Pride will not dictate my attitude and behavior;  music created by these hands was already there; I simply reached into the ether and revealed its beauty to people existing in this dimension of time and space. I do not create these works for my own solace and salvation. I create them for the enjoyment of others, and with optimism eternal love, (life energy), will be felt by those who need it most.

Honesty

Honesty:

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/honesty

Truthfulness, Sincerity, or frankness

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/honesty

Fairness and straightforwardness of conduct

Throughout the last four months I have dealt with a person who I thought was going to be the love of my life. Last Saturday it came to my attention she has not been completely honest with me. I looked at her phone and saw a text conversation between her and a man named “Tony”, (who she supposedly met at a bar called X-wives during the middle of the day). Their conversation detailed a meeting which was to take place on the previous day, (Friday 11/14/14). They planned to meet at his house to drink red wine together. She backed out with a lie in order to prevent their meeting from ever taking place. Her decision gave a profound insight into her psychological condition.

When asked if she was going to tell me this had happened she responded “No” without any hesitation. Involuntarily I told her it was a problem. We tried to keep going until Thursday, 11/20/14. I woke up in the morning angry. On my way to work I decided to stop to get coffee creamer and milk to bring home. When I brought it home we argued furiously for a couple of hours until I said something close to this, “over the last month and a half you have felt like a burden.” (The possibility of me saying this in a more mean or hurtful manner is quiet high since I was in an extremely heightened emotional state).  She began to move her belongings to her car. We were going to continue to try to work on our relationship from a distance, but when I arrived home from work yesterday, (11/20/14), I saw the bed and had to disassemble it.

I am not perfect; I can admit I did not handle this situation in the best way possible; and I have made my fair share of mistakes during our relationship. Her dishonesty cannot be tolerated though. She lost her job at the end of October due to attendance/punctuality issues. We were already overburdened by her unusual behaviors which had occurred prior to her loss of employment, and my reactions. I tried to trust her again; I wanted to trust her again; I wanted to still love her, but I could not do it. We had discussed a closed-relationship and she chose to break that commitment to me. In doing so she removed my trust for her; all of her actions and words were questioned. What else has she lied to me about? I am not certain, (and do not believe), she actually did ever cheat on me. Her love for me was real. However, she is mentally unhealthy and if I continued a relationship with her it would only strain my mind further, and ultimately cause a great deal of unnecessary pain for both of us.

Sadly, I must admit my natural reaction to her poor decision was to be cruel. After Saturday I did not pay as much attention to her, and I found myself ignoring some of, if not all of what she said, when she spoke. I was mean to her, and it was not right. Although her actions caused me to react in such a manner, I do not agree with my actions or words. Her actions caused my reactions, and I do not want to be around someone who can stimulate such callous behavior from me. It is not healthy for me, and I did not feel like I was acting like myself.

Dishonesty serves no purpose in my life. Problems will arise if trust is not present in any relationship.  A wise man I worked with at UPS had this to say about honesty, “Say what you mean, and mean what you say.” In my opinion honesty not only has to do with your words, but your actions as well. If you say you have certain behaviors, and that you are interested in specific extracurricular activities than pursue them passionately. If you say you are not interested in certain behaviors, and you dislike certain activities than do not participate in them. 

Actions always speak louder than words. When you act contrary to your words you are being dishonest. When you behave contrary to your beliefs you are being dishonest. When you do not live up to a moral and ethical code you have set for yourself you are being dishonest.  

People who are not honest I do not need in my life. I am honest, true, and full of love. A moral foundation instilled in me by my parents and their religious ideologies will always dictate my actions. Although I no longer believe the tenants of their religion I still practice fundamental principles of integrity, compassion, and love. A requirement of the pursuit of happiness is honesty.

Stay true to who you are, and never forget your actions have consequences on other people. My love goes out to anyone who reads this. I wish you the best.

-Laron