Self-Actualization
Life often presents us with difficult situations beyond our
control. The results of which provide negative consequences that stimulate
strong emotional responses. How you choose to act, how you react, can determine
the direction of your life temporarily, or permanently. Last November a pivotal
choice point happened in my life. Someone I loved made a choice which eliminated
her from my life completely. What I have done since that moment, and how I have
chosen to live has dramatically impacted my attitude, my behavior, and my life
overall in a positive way.
In my moment of grief I was contacted by a multitude of
people with whom I had engaged in frivolous inebriation of the body and mind. Invitations
to many events and small social gatherings where I would be able to silence my
aching heart were sent to me. I had to choose. It seemed to me the best course
of action would be to accept these requests- with optimism such social
interaction would alleviate my pain. A warning from the depths of my subconscious
caused me to hesitate.
Thoughts of what cause me happiness flooded my mind, and I
was overwhelmed with daydreams of a peace, a solace I could only find outside. Every
inclination I had to engage with people whose company I had once enjoyed slowly
dwindled to a flicker of light in the dark of night. For several days I brooded
on how I would be able to survive this tortuous turmoil, and how I could thrive
once I had done so. It was soon decided that I would no longer pursue social
settings and venture into our beloved Wasatch Mountains as much as possible.
When my work day would end I would walk to my truck to
change. While weather continued to permit me to do so I would bring my dog,
King Ferdinand, along for an adventure. We would run and hike until it was dark
and I was drained of all my energy. We continued our solitary game for the last
two weeks of December of 2014.
A friend of mine moved back from Seattle, WA in January,
2015. We started to climb between three to five time per week soon after. An
attorney who I worked with at the time invited me to ride mountain bikes with
him on the weekends as well. As these physical activities slowly consumed my
life I continued to study Music Theory and Composition, and Language and
Literature.
Loneliness which resulted from my broken heart soon faded
into the distance as my time and energy were sapped from my newfound passions. Seldom
moments of depression still lingered when I found myself wrapped in blankets in
a feeble attempt to regain comfort found in another person’s arms (for me, a
lady). Yet, my passions soon became such an integral part of my life I soon
forgot about anything else. Work and the negative people there became a nuisance
which I simply had to endure to reach my adventurous reward at each day’s end.
Soon I became so distanced and disassociated from people who
worked to live that I was ostracized from where I was employed. Eventually they
decided it was best to terminate my employment with them. Since they did not
have a legal reason to do so I was given a severance package, and I was allowed
to claim unemployment benefits from our federal government. This profound
change within my life enabled me to focus even more time and energy on my
passions.
Within these last two months I have climbed more than I did
during all previous years of my life combined. It was such an incredible
experience. Unemployment only provided 1/3 of an income that I was accustom to
so I thought I needed to hurry to find a new job. Friends and family both
advised me to take advantage of this fortunate opportunity and find a job that
is worth it. So that is what I did, and it has changed me forever. I found out
who I am and what I want from this life.
Life is diverse and beautiful- this is what I learned from
this last eight months. Go find what causes you unmatched happiness and pursue
it with all of your vigor. As adults we must work to earn an income to provide
our basic necessities. Yet, we do not have to settle for employment which
cripples our desires, and saps our energy so that we cannot pursue our own
personal passions. I have fallen in love with our world and our species again
because of my dedication to me and my passions.
Believe in your self, challenge your self
physically and mentally, and learn how to actualize your self, simply because YOU
ARE WORTH IT.
Much love,
Laron
